The Great Autograph Experiment

So, the other day I was reading my ESPN the Mag, and there was a section about the best way to get autographs. Now, I have to say, autographs have never done much for me. I'd much rather get my picture taken with the player then have them sign something that will end up in a photo album and then eventually get ruined when the basement floods.

In my autograph collection, I have Nancy Kerrigan (at Toys “R” us when I was maybe 12). (Funny side story, I need a piece of paper, so my dad handed me a notebook that we hadn’t bought yet, and I thought for sure I was going to get arrested. And then, my dad wouldn’t even buy the notebook that I had used to get the autograph, he just tore out the page and put it his pocket…and I was horrified we were stealing paper!).

My second autograph is ML Carr. My mom won some contest when she worked in the bakery at Shaw’s (I’m serious, she worked there). So my dad and I got to go play basketball on the court at the Garden. The real Garden, not TD Banknorth. This was the same year as Nancy Kerrigan I believe. Anyway, I used to get really nervous. So my dad lied to me and said he was taking me on a tour of a bread factory in Boston. Now, we never went to Boston, so this was a huge deal. So I got dressed up and wore like, a blouse and skirt and tights and dress shoes. And it turns out I was going to play basketball with the Celtics. There were a few other random people there from the Celtics, I don’t know who. So I just sat on the bench in my dress shoes, and watched my dad shoot hoops with ML. Who, I might add, was wicked nice. Anyway, my dad and I snuck off from the group to see the Celtics locker room. It was the offseason, so they were empty, but I did get to sit in Larry Bird’s locker. We went into the Bruin’s locker room too. And, I of course, thought for sure we were going to get caught and my dad was going to get arrested and I was going to have to call my mom to come bail us out. Also, on the way home, I dropped the autograph out the window and my dad had to pull the car over so I could pick it up. He almost killed me.

My third autograph is Jenny Meno and Todd Sand. They are figure skaters that never won much of anything except for the US title a few times. We had these awesome front row seats and I got to meet Jenny and Todd who were my favorites.

My fourth autograph is Tom Glavine. Tom was doing an autograph signing at the Burlington Mall and I took Paul and his best friend Chris. Tom was extremely nice, he took a picture with us, signed like, the 20 Tom Glavine cards we brought.

also, I did get every Disney character I could find when I went to Disney in 6th grade, and Cinderella's twice.

Anyway, that is the extent of my autograph collection. In the article in ESPN it mentioned Pat Neshek’s website. I linked to it last week, but it’s for autograph collectors, and they talk about who they’ve gotten autographs from, where’s the best place to get them to sign. One thing they were talking about was who you could write to, with a self addressed stamped envelope, and who would send your card or picture or whatever back. I read through them and was intrigued. Pat's site also mentioned this one, SASE Sports Sigs, which keeps track of what cards get signed and sent back. I knew my brother and I had a giant box of cards in the basement, so I’ve decided to try it out. I’m sending out 20 baseball cards to 20 major leaguers, a little note, along with a baseball card and SASE. I actually couldn’t find my baseball cards so technically I’m sending my brothers. I went through a few books and pulled out current major leaguers, and was surprised by how many players are no longer in the majors. So, I decided to send 5 to current Red Sox, 5 to current Yankees, and 10 to regular major leaguers. (they are the control group if I remember my scientific method correctly). I'm completely accepting of the fact that there is a very good chance I'm going 0-20.

I’m rambling today. Must be the ice coffee combined with the fact that it is FINALLY Friday.

We’ll start with the bad guys, move on to the neutral guys, and then onto to the good guys.

First up, Mr. Roger Clemens, (whose name I intentionally spelled wrong on the envelope for humor’s sake). I told Roger I liked watching him pitch as a Red Sox, and that “I hope your un-retirement works out just like I think it will”. As in, you average five runs and five innings a game while going 6-9. In A-Rod’s note, I wrote, “I really miss watching you play shortstop. I think that you would have been remembered as the best shortstop of all time”. Not that I would want to ruffle feathers between him and Derek. In Mo’s I told him that “Enter Sandman” was my favorite Metallica song and that I thought he was a great closer during the 2004 ALCS. In Jason Giambi’s, I told him I hope his foot heals faster than they think it will (because otherwise they will probably trade for Carlos Pena and I’d rather they didn’t). And, in Derek Jeter’s, I told him that he was a much better player than A-Rod. Those were very hard to write.

I told Barry Bonds that he has “set an incredible example for younger players”. If that’s not the truth. You too can cheat your way to 755.

Mike Sweeney, “you are my favorite player on the Royals”. That is 100% accurate. Of course, he’s tied with every other Royal for that position, but I left that out of my note.

In my collection (actually Paul’s collection), I found a sweet card with a very young Pedro and Ramon on it in Dodger Blue. Pedro looked badass and Ramon looked goofy and I’m pretty sure they both had mullets. I thanked Pedro for being so great for the Red Sox, and told him there was nothing like getting up in the morning and knowing we had Pedro going that night.

Edgar Renteira, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out here in Boston.” I am. Now I’m stuck with Julio Lugo who is more expensive and couldn’t hit his way out of a wet paper bag. I am sorry it didn’t work out. Your contract ends before his does.

Jason Schmidt and Randy Johnson got get well cards. I told Magglio Ordonez and Andruw Jones they were great outfielders and that I wished they had come up with the Sox. (Sorry Nancy).

I wrote to Pudge Rodriguez and told him he was a great catcher and congrats on catching a No-no and thanks for knocking the Yanks out last year.

Then came my notes to the Sox, which, were harder and took a lot more thought.

First up was Mike Timlin. I thanked him for ’04, and for being such a reliable set up man over the years and told him that us Sox fans were lucky to have him. (I left out that he makes me vomit slightly in my mouth)
I told Batshit Tavarez that it has been an absolute pleasure watching him this year and that we have the best #5 in baseball.

I told Manny that he was the best hitter I have ever seen (I sent him a card of him on the Indians, which, was the only one I have).

I confessed to Mike Lowell that he was my favorite Red Sox and that he really needed to resign with the Sox to keep my mental health stable. (well, I left out the mental health part, but I did tell him I hoped he’d finish his career with the Sox).

I thanked Tim Wakefield for being such a leader with the Red Sox both on the field and in the community.

So there the 20 are. I’m going to send them out with tomorrow’s mail, and we’ll see how many I get back.

Tonight we have Dice-K and Greg Maddux. I feel like I haven’t seen Dice-K pitch in weeks. I’m excited!