Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Dear Thomas Edward,

Hi, how’s it going? I know you’re a little busy these days with Baby Brady and birthday celebrations and whatnot, but I just had to write you a quick little long rambling note. First, let me tell you a few things about me. When I get 12 cents in change, I think of you. When I picked up one of the new David Ortiz hats at the Reebok outlet the other day and realized that it had come in contact with an Indianapolis Colts Super Bowl Champion hat, I threw it back, and then went and washed my hands.

So, maybe right now, you’re thinking, “So, you’re completely out of your mind! So I have a Yankees hat on my head! Who cares? You shouldn’t care, just so long as I keep winning you football games.” And that theory is well as good, except you play football here. In New England. And I’m not your average fan Mr. Brady, incase you haven’t noticed. (although I know there are plenty out there like me). I worry constantly. I fret. I overanalyze. I was depressed for months after the AFC Championship loss. I didn’t go out to watch the Super Bowl (even though it is one of my favorite days of the year). My heart physically hurt and I thought I was going to be sick when the confetti came falling down in the RCA dome. I know enough facts about players on your team to write a book. I agonized over whether or not to resign Troy Brown like it was my decision. I believe that Scott and Bill can do no wrong, but Theo still makes me nervous.

But most of all, when all things are said and done. I love the Patriots and the Red Sox. And I hate the Yankees and the Colts. I love more than I hate, but I really enjoy the hating. So when you’re prancing around Manhattan with your Yankees hat on, it hurts a little. (I mean, how would you like it if David Ortiz started prancing around with a Colts hat on?). The Yankees fan in my office puts your picture on the bulletin board. I have to look at it. I hear about. And I don’t like it. I know you’re probably thinking, “but it’s just a hat”. But it isn’t just a hat to me. It’s painful and annoying and quite frankly, a little disrespectful to all those who cheer you on every Sunday, snow, rain, sleet or shine in Foxboro.

There are a lot of hats in the world. I even have some suggestions. You seem to love Europe, been spending a lot of time there with the gf and all, so what about a futbol team hat from Europe? You could be chic and stylish and not pissing me off all at once. Not much of a soccer fan? Me either. What about a Michigan hat? If you loved Michigan ½ as much as I loved Assumption, this should be a logical choice. I believe you to be sponsored by Nike. What about a nice little plain hat with a cute little swoosh on it? I’ve seen you in those Gap ads. What about a nice little “GAP” hat? I’ll even buy you and Baby Brady matching hats if you want.

Now, there is one scenario that I haven’t given much thought to. That you may, actually be a Yankees fan. Tom, this would hurt my heart a little. If they make you happy, then I’ll accept that fact. Maybe, you grew up wearing Reggie Jackson’s jersey. Maybe you know Roger Maris’ career stats. Maybe you are delusional enough to believe Roger Clemens is the second coming. However, if this is true. You may never wear a Red Sox hat again. (and I don’t want to see you taking BP in a Sox jersey either Mr. Brady)

There is only one kind of fan I hate more than I hate Yankees fans. And that, is the bandwagon fan. So, Tom, lose the Yankees hat, or lose the Red Sox hat. But don’t make me come down to Foxboro on Friday night and have a talk with you about this.
Love always,
PS. Who runs in khakis?

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